Your Text Here, A Sherlock Holmes Fanfiction
by Xx.Triple A.xX
Summary: Two teenage girls, Delores and Kira, have a sleepover and end up on Baker Street…in their pajamas. Being completely clueless, they set out to figure out how to compromise their favorite detective's headquarters. Poor Holmes.
1. In Which the Girls Arrive

**CHAPTER 1 – In Which the Girls Arrive**

**Author's Note:** Howdy! SherlockxMasquerade here, with an IMPORTANT note which you really ought to read. Ahem. This fanfiction was co-written by my good friend who goes by the code name of Delores. Here she is.

(Girl with long dark hair wearing a black suit and Men in Black sunglasses appears and waves)

Yup, that's her. So, anyway, we're both fond of the Sherlock Holmes stories and we decided to write a story where we fall into his universe and...um...well, that's not been decided yet. In fact, the thing does not have a coherent plot yet. YET. Yet is the key word. So...hang in there. If enough people review...we might continue it. Heh.

And finally, the disclaimer: _Pirates of the Caribbean_, _Doctor Who_, and any other copyrighted stuff is not ours. Sherlock Holmes is not ours either. If he was, he'd be doing our math for us. Yeah. (Nods) So, you needn't worry about that.

* * *

Two sleeping bags, two pillows, six Coke® cans, and several empty popcorn bags were strewn about the family room floor. Some unknown movie – we think _Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest_ – was playing on the TV. And amidst all of this chaos sat two girls, commenting cheerfully on the actions of the characters in the movie. 

"Well," said the first one, a 14-year-old with dark brown hair, light brown skin and glasses, "Jack certainly made a stupid move there. And everyone says he's such a great pirate captain!"

"Hmm," was the sleepy response from her friend. "Maybe we should go to bed now," she continued.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!? We're only in the middle of the movie! And we still have to watch the other two _Doctor Who_ episodes after this! And then we must sneak through the darkness like ninjas down to the garage in order to get the other box of sodas!"

"Ugh. Fine. Let's go get the sodas _now_, 'cause I need the sugar to stay awake."

"OKAY! Onward HO!" The 14-year-old jumped to her feet and tightened the belt of her fuzzy red bathrobe. "Come on, Delores! You're right, you do need more caffeine. You look really sleepy."

"I may need more caffeine, but it's the last thing YOU need, Kira," her friend groaned. "What time is it anyway?"

"Uh…" Kira glanced at her watch. "2:30. Why?"

"I WAS hoping to get some sleep tonight…"

"Sleep? Sleep? Whatever is that foreign term? Sleepovers, _mon__ ami_, are not for SLEEPING! They are for…" The teenager gesticulated wildly with her arm. "Eating! Watching movies! Playing board games! Doing random hyper stuff! Not SLEEPING!"

"Whatever. Let's just go get the soda."

"Okay." Kira glanced at her friend. "Actually, you look really beat. How about I go get the soda and you stay here and cheer my favorite characters on?" She pointed at the TV screen, where Will Turner, Captain Jack Sparrow, and ex-Commodore Norrington were fighting a three-way battle.

"Works for me. I think it takes less energy to cheer, anyway. And hurry back with that caffeine."

Her friend gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up, which was ignored since Delores had turned over and buried her face in her pillow. Kira raised an eyebrow.

"…That's not cheering…"

"It's the best I can do. Now, go get the soda before I do it for you!"

"Okay!!" Whirling around, Kira darted towards the door and flung it open, only to come to a sharp halt.

"Um…Delores?!" she asked in a slightly panicked tone of voice.

"What?" Delores groaned sleepily. "Do you have the soda yet?"

"No, I haven't even left. Wanna know why?"

"Not really."

Kira told her anyway. "The hallway's disappeared! We're in an alternate universe!"

"_Huh_?"

Kira watched a horse and carriage trot by on the street that had suddenly appeared in place of the hall. "Yeah…it looks like we're on a period movie set and…IS THAT SHERLOCK HOLMES??!"

"What?!" her friend yelled, finally showing some signs of life. She dashed from the family room and pushed her friend aside. "Show me!!"

"There, in that window…hmm. Looks suspiciously like the Jeremy Brett version." Kira adjusted her glasses and looked closer. "Hey, look at the number on that door. 221B!"

"Weird. It's probably some guy dressed up in a costume."

"NO! No, I'm sure it's really Sherlock Holmes. It must be! He looks JUST LIKE Brett!Holmes, and Brett died in 1995!!"

"Right, Kira. I told you you didn't need more caffeine. That's weird…the hall _does _seem to have disappeared. What are all of those horses and carriages doing going by in the street?"

"Taking people places," was the blatantly obvious response. "Hey! I know! Let's go find out if that guy really is Holmes!" Kira started to step out into the street.

"Kira, I already know he isn't Holmes! Holmes is a fictional character! I don't need to go traipsing out onto some movie set to find out that he isn't Sherlock Holmes! Besides, the man will probably think we're idiots when we tell him who we thought he was!"

"Well…" Kira looked thoughtful for a moment. "We'll just…um…" She trailed off, then suddenly exclaimed, "It can't hurt to ASK, can it?"

"If it'll make you shut up, we can go ask. But then I'm really going to bed."

Kira assumed a hurt expression. "Delores! You're so cruel. Very well. Fine. I'll go ask. You can hang back and laugh at me…heartless fiend."

"Just on the chance that he is Holmes, I think I'll come with you."

"YAY!" Kira tackled her friend in a hug. "YOU ROCK!"

"That is, if you don't kill me first."

Kira released her abruptly, and her left eye twitched. "Why is that EVERY TIME I hug somebody enthusiastically, they accuse me of attacking them?? It's weird! Am I that exuberant?"

"Never mind. Let's just go." And with that, Delores headed across the street, with Kira trailing eagerly after her.

After they had reached the doorstep and Delores had knocked, Kira looked back at the street and frowned. "Um…Delores…Two things that should be on the top of your 'to-know' list right now."

"Lemme guess. Our hair's a mess and we're in our pajamas."

"Um…no. But you got the second one right!" Kira congratulated her. "Yes, we're in our pajamas. You're barefoot, and I am in my socks. That was not on the list of things that should be on the top of your 'to-know' list. But anyway, on top of that…the doorway back to the family room, on the other side of the street, has just disappeared."

"Why," Delores asked slowly, "does that freak me out?"

"I dunno. Why does anything inspire emot – HIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Kira exclaimed as the door opened, revealing an older woman with graying hair who was holding a feather duster. The woman blinked.

"Who are you?" she demanded. Kira frowned.

"Hmm, you look nice enough, not the sort to throw children who have accidentally been transported to another universe out into the street, therefore I represent queen and country!" she chirped. Delores and the woman stared at her.

"Kira, you sound like a raving lunatic," Delores whispered under her breath. She tried unsuccessfully to comb the tangles out of her long, straight brown hair with her fingers. Kira unobtrusively stepped on her friend's foot.

"Shh! I do NOT. I'm blatantly paraphrasing _Doctor Who_, is all." She grinned at the woman. "So, can we come in?"

The woman looked at them doubtfully. "Um…I suppose…are you here to see Sherlock Holmes, by any chance?"

"Who else would we be here to see?" Delores asked, ignoring the fact that Kira had let out a whoop of victory and was now doing a small victory dance on the front porch for all the world to see. "This is getting weirder by the minute," she muttered under her breath.

"Ah. In that case…come in," the woman said after glancing doubtfully at their attire. "You're not…from around here, are you?"

"NOOOO! However did you guess?" Kira asked brightly. "We're from an alternate universe! Crossed the Void, we did! Got lotsa Void stuff all around us now, Precious, yeses we doses -"

"QUIT WITH THE BLATANT PARAPHRASING OF _DOCTOR WHO_ ALREADY!!!"

Looking thoroughly chastened, Kira followed her friend up the stairs. Delores, after glancing around, grinned.

"This is cool!" she announced. Kira brightened up.

"Yes it is! And you thought it wasn't Sherlock Holmes!" she accused her.

"I'm still having my doubts. But it does look pretty authentic," the other girl admitted.

By this time, they had reached the landing. Walking down the hall, the woman stopped and knocked on a door.

"Mr. Holmes? Two young ladies to see you."

"Send them in," came the muffled response from inside. The woman nodded and opened the door.

()-()-()

When Mrs. Hudson had announced that there were two young ladies to see him, Sherlock Holmes had become somewhat hopeful that it was a case. As it was, he had not had a case for weeks, and Dr. Watson was away on a trip, so he didn't have anyone to keep him company. And, as anyone who's ever read the books knows, a bored Holmes is not a good thing. But he was hardly expecting to see what entered his sitting-room.

The first girl was tall, with green eyes, long dark hair, and a sleepy expression on her face. She was wearing light blue pants with a white star pattern and a long-sleeved light blue shirt with a pink star on the front. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Holmes, staring at him with no small amount of astonishment on her face.

"Kira…come in here," she said slowly. A voice issued from the hall.

"I don't WANT to. He scares me."

"You idiot! It was your idea to come over here!" She reached out into the hall and yanked the owner of the voice into the room.

The other girl came stumbling in, banged her knee on a low table, yelled, and proceeded to whimper as though she was in great pain. Holmes stared at her. _She_ had light brown skin, curly dark brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, and dark brown eyes behind a pair of lightly built glasses. She was also tall and slender, like her friend, but she was wearing white socks, thin red pajama pants, and a white T-shirt with a picture of a dog with a rose in its mouth on it. Under the picture of the dog were the words "What's not to love?" Covering her entire ensemble was a fluffy red bathrobe, the belt of which she now adjusted as she tried to straighten herself out after colliding with the table.

Delores sighed and turned to Sherlock Holmes. "Hello," she said. "We don't really have any idea how we got here. I'm Delores, and this is my friend Kira."

"Sherlock Holmes, I presume?" Kira asked brightly. Delores surreptitiously attempted to kick her in the shin.

"STOP PARAPHRASING PEOPLE ALREADY!"

"Paraphrasing is my friend, it will never ever end."

"ARGH!" was all the response she got. Kira grinned brightly and waved at Holmes.

"Hi! I'm you and you're me and it's splendid we got to meet because otherwise we would have gone through the rest of our lives being horribly confused, I daresay!"

Holmes shook his head and sank into a chair. "I don't…_what_? Who _are_ you people?"

"We're timetravel – OW!" Kira glared at Delores, who had elbowed her sharply in the ribs.

"I know this sounds crazy," Delores said to Holmes, "but we were just having a sleepover, and Kira went to get some more soda. Then she said the hallway had disappeared, and there were horses and carriages going by in the street outside. I came to look, and she was right. Then she saw you, and thought you looked like Sherlock Holmes. So, she persuaded me to come see if you really _were_ Sherlock Holmes. So, here we are, and here _you_ are, and you are Sherlock Holmes, and don't listen to Kira because about half of what comes out of her mouth is total gibberish anyway. At least, it is when she's hyper."

Holmes ran a hand through his hair. "Hyper? Sleepover? Soda?" he repeated. Kira looked off in a random direction.

"I say, is there an echo in here?"

Holmes glared at her. "Young lady…"

She turned to him, smiling as she did so. He found her smile slightly disturbing – it was large and bright and shiny and bordering on the edge of maniacal.

"Yeeeeeeees?"

"Never mind." He turned to Delores, who seemed to be the…_saner_ of the two girls. "You. Delores. You two aren't from England, are you?"

"How'd you guess?" she asked sarcastically. "Not only are we not from England, we're not even from this century."

"WHAT?!" he exploded, then calmed down some. "I'm sorry…but that's just a little hard to believe."

"This whole thing's a little hard to believe. I'm just as confused as you are." Delores glanced at Kira. "She's the only one who seems to not be having a hard time understanding this."

Kira stared at the fireplace, muttering under her breath. "Deck the halls and walls and trucks and trees and buses and cars and SUVs…with HOLLY!" She spun around and clapped Delores on the shoulder. "It's only FOUR MONTHS until Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"This has got to be some sort of weird dream," Delores murmured. Sherlock Holmes frowned.

"I do not believe it is, mademoiselle, for it is highly unlikely that you and I would share the same dream. Either that, or you are both figments of my imagination, yet you seem to think that I am a figment of your imagination, and we cannot have it both ways. Therefore, it must be real."

"You just confuse me even more."

"Perhaps…your friend knows what's happening." Holmes glanced at the other girl. She frightened him – only a very little, but it was enough to make him hesitant about speaking to her. After a brief pause, he said, "Miss Kira. Do you know why you are here?"

Kira clapped her hands and nodded. "Uh-huh. You see, what happened – what I _think_ happened – is that we – Delores and I – somehow got swept up in a rift in the time-space continuum or something like that, and as a result, we got dumped here, in your universe. Now, normally these things don't happen without a reason, so we must be here to help you with something."

Holmes frowned. "I don't need the help of two teenage girls."

"Ah, but you may need the help of two INSANE teenage girls! _Non_?"

Holmes stared at her before shaking his head and standing up. Going over to the fireplace, he filled his pipe with tobacco, but didn't light it. "I don't understand you. Exactly what century _are_ you from?"

"We're from the 21st century," Delores said. "At least, I think we are. We might just have fallen into that century from another century, and then have stayed there so long that we thought we were from that century."

There was the sound of something hard hitting something else hard – the floor, as a matter of fact – as Kira darted forward, tripped, and fell over. Jumping up, she exclaimed,

"OF COURSE! That makes PERFECT sense! I've always known I was an alien! That I had another life…somewhere out there…what a simply ingenious theory, Delores! BOW DOWN BEFORE THE BRILLIANCE OF ME FRIEND!" she commanded Holmes, who simply gave her a cutting look and then stuck his still-unlit pipe in his mouth.

"Well…that still doesn't answer the question of why you're here."

"Maybe we're not really here. Maybe this is all an illusion. Maybe I'm going insane," Delores growled.

"Maybe you're sleepy and grumpy," Kira said, patting her on the head and jerking her hand away when Delores tried to bite it off. "Besides, you ARE insane. You admitted it at the movies today, remember?"

"No, I don't remember. But anyway."

Kira clapped her hands together suddenly, making Holmes start in an alarmed manner. "I'VE GOT IT! We're obviously here to help you out with some problem in the near future, since that's how these sorts of things generally work. And if this is an illusion, brought on by excessive discussion of you and practical inhalation of soda, well then, we can stay here with you until the problem we're supposed to help you with arises!"

Holmes shook his head. "No, you won't! This is not an illusion! Even if it is, it's MY illusion, not yours, and _I_ don't want _you_ staying in _my_ home in _my_ illusion."

"Well," Kira countered, "If we're really an illusion, then we shouldn't bother you that much. Besides, It's OUR illusion, not yours."

"My illusion."

"Ours."

"Mine."

"Ours."

"Mine," he growled.

"Ours!"

"Mine!"

"YOU TWO STOP IT!" Delores finally shouted. "This isn't getting us anywhere. Who cares whose illusion it is? Anyway, I'm starving. I don't suppose you have anything to eat with a high concentration of sugar in it?"

Holmes paused in his argument with the annoying 14-year-old to glance irritably in Delores's direction. "Mrs. Hudson baked a cake this morning -"

"CAKE!" Kira screamed, and bolted for the door. "KEKI KEKI KEKI! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! CAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAKECAAAAAAAAAKE!"

"Things begin to look up," Delores said brightly, and waved to Holmes. "Well, we'll be back." And she ran off downstairs.

* * *

**Kira (Masque):** Hey! So, what'd you think? 

**Delores:** I hope you liked it. We know Sherlock Holmes is acting a little bit out of character - sorry about that.

**Kira:** Please review! It might induce us to write another chapter. Plus, you'll get leftover cake!!

**Delores:** If there IS any leftover cake...

**Kira:** Good point. Um. Well, we'll be going now! Bye!


	2. The Rabid Rampaging Moose of DOOM

**Chapter 2 – The Rabid Rampaging Moose of DOOM**

**Authors' Note: **Hail! You may have noticed already that the story is now being written in first-person format. We decided it was easier to write it that way. So, this chapter is from KIRA'S point of view. You may want to have the number for your psychiatrist ready.

I RESENT THAT.

Oh be quiet. Nobody cares what you think.

THEY OUGHT TO. I'M THE ONE WITH THE ACCOUNT. SO THERE!

Ah, don't mind her. She hasn't had much sugar in the past hour...so you're a little grump, aren't you? Pats on head

SNAP SNARL CHOMP

AGH! Ow. Well, er...on with the disclaimer. (BAD Kira! No bitey! What would Sherlocky say?)

SHERLOCK: Don't. Call. Me. That.

Oh bother.

**Disclaimer: **We own nothing. Seriously. No, wait...we both have digital cameras. We got those for Christmas. We own THOSE. Anything else? ...No? Oh well, we'll probably think of something. Anywhoozit. If you recognize it, in all likelihhod it doesn't belong to us. Now. On with the story!

* * *

**--Kira's**** Point of View (POV)--**

I was awoken the next morning by something hitting me in the face. I opened my eyes and found, to my shock and surprise, that I couldn't see anything.

"AHHHHH! I'M BLINDED!" I sat bolt upright, causing the thing on my face to fall onto my lap. "Oh…I can SEE again!! I'M CURED!"

"Kira, will you be _quiet_?" Delores muttered from her corner of the room. I looked over to see her lying on the couch, holding a pillow over her head in an effort to block out my noise.

"Why?" I asked. She removed the pillow and glared at me.

"Because I'm trying to _sleep_."

I regarded her coolly for a moment before saying abruptly, "You've forgotten, haven't you?"

"Forgotten what?" she asked. I nodded.

"Yup, you've forgotten. How could you FORGET?!" I exploded the next second. "We're in the Sherlock Holmes universe! Remember?"

She groaned and rolled over. "No. That was a nightmare. A bad dream."

"No it wasn't! It was real! I mean, take a look around you!"

She sat up, looked around, and hit herself in the face with the pillow. "I'm still dreaming. I must wake up."

"No, you're not dreaming!" I insisted.

"Yes, I am."

"Want me to hit you and _prove_ that you're not dreaming?"

She looked at me. "You can _pinch_ me." I stood up and walked over to her. "But not very har – OWW!"

"Sorry about that. Do you believe that you're not dreaming _now_?"'

"Yes, but you didn't have to convince me so _painfully_." She sighed. "What are we going to do now? We'll have to find some way to get clothing."

"Maybe not," I mused, looking thoughtfully at the thing that had woken up. She blinked and followed my gaze.

"A top hat? Where did _that_ come from?"

"I don't know. It came out of nowhere and woke me up." My face lit up as an idea struck me. "Hey! Maybe it's a _magic_ top hat!"

"Don't be ridiculous. It probably belongs to Holmes."

"I don't think so!" I pounced on the top hat and stared deep into its depths for a moment before saying in a deep and imperious voice, "Give me the outfit which I am visualizing mentally at this time, please." Following that, I reached into the top hat and pulled out…

"A purple bunny suit?" Delores said, incredulous. I, of course, was ecstatic.

"YES! It works! Hey, I wonder if you can put stuff back?" I stuffed the bunny suit back into the hat, announced that I didn't want it anymore, and a moment later, put my hand back into the hat and came up with nothing. "AWESOME!"

"How did that bunny suit even fit back inside the hat?" Delores wanted to know. I chewed on my lip thoughtfully for a moment before nodding and saying,

"Obviously, this is a Marvelously Magical Top Hat Endowed with a Suspension of Disbelief Field."

Delores blinked. "Translate, please."

"It has magical capabilities _and_ a suspension of disbelief field."

"Yes, I got that much."

"Well," I explained further, "_that_ means that whatever we ask for, be it a bunny suit, a laptop, a glass of orange juice or a three-tiered chocolate-banana swirl cake, we'll get it, despite the fact that there is no way a three-tiered chocolate-banana swirl cake could fit in a top hat."

Delores looked at me, then the hat, then back at me. Finally, she sighed and took the hat from me.

"What are we waiting for? Let's get dressed."

0-0-0-0

Twenty minutes later, we were strolling casually down the street, and people were staring at us. No wonder; we were dressed rather outlandishly for that time period. For my part, I was garbed in black sneakers, dark blue jeans, and a hooded white _CSI: Miami_ T-shirt. A black bandana was tied over my hair, and I was wearing a pair of sunglasses.

Delores was wearing purple shorts and a bright yellow tank top. She was, for some reason, carrying an umbrella in her hand. It was a striped umbrella, and she used it to poke random policemen as they passed them. The policemen looked at her oddly but (wisely) did nothing. Do not disturb a teenager with an umbrella. It's simply not the done thing.

"I think this was a bad idea," she said after a moment. "They're all staring at us."

"I noticed that already," I said. "But do you know _why_ they're staring?"

"Because we're dressed really weird and really _wrong_ for this century?"

"No! They wish they had our sense of originality! They wish they had our flare, our style, our fashion sense! They wish -"

"AAAAHHHH! IT'S A STAMPEDING KILLER HORSE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!"

I stopped talking and looked up just in time to see what looked like a horse come skidding around the corner ahead. It stopped, glared at me, and snorted, giving me just enough time to identify it for what it _really_ was.

"Oh, look! A moose!"

"Yes, and a very _angry_ moose at that," Delores said. "Run!"

"What?" Then I noticed that the moose was heading for us at a fast trot. "Ah. Yes. Run. RUN!"

And so we ran.

0-0-0-0

I think we nearly gave Holmes a heart attack when we slammed into the sitting-room at the top of our speeds. We almost broke the door, we flung it open so violently. He looked at us as we stood, panting, me bent over with my hands on my knees trying desperately to catch my breath, Delores leaning against the mantelpiece.

"And what have you two been up to, that you came crashing in here so suddenly?" he asked, removing his pipe from his mouth and knocking it out into the fire.

"Can't…breathe…" I gasped.

"Crazy moose," Delores contributed.

"Insane! Glowing red…eyes…evil…fangs…" Unable to say more, I collapsed onto the carpet. Holmes regarded us both with a raised eyebrow before announcing,

"Clearly, cake is bad for you two. It causes you to hallucinate or -" He was cut off when screaming erupted from the street below. Frowning, he walked over to the window and drew back the curtains.

A few seconds later, he returned and looked down at me. "There seems," he said slowly, "to be a crazed moose running through the streets of London."

"Ha, told ya," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. "Did you know that you look really weird upside-down?"

He sighed and went over to sit down in his chair. "Obviously, the streets are not safe. Any errands shall have to wait until the moose is gone…and where did that hat come from?"

I shot over and caught the hat up before he could touch it. "Ah, no, sorry, but you can't have this."

"Why not?" he asked, looking at me suspiciously.

"Because," Delores said calmly, "it's our Marvelously Magical Top Hat Endowed with a Suspension of Disbelief Field."

He raised both eyebrows and turned away. "I see. Well, I have no use for a…for one of those. Feel free to keep it." And stretching up a long arm, he took a book down from the shelf and began to read.

I placed the top hat on my head and raised an eyebrow at Delores. "Well," I said, adopting a British accent, "what are we going to do now?"

"I don't know," she said. "Probably stay inside until the rampaging moose goes away."

"I can't do thaaaaat!" I wailed. "Look at this!" I swept an arm around, indicating the sitting-room. "It's practically _primitive_! No computers! No television! There aren't even any good…books…" I trailed off as my eye caught a title on the shelf. Running over to it, I pulled it out of the shelf. "Begads! Look at this! It's _The Scottish Chiefs_ by…um…it doesn't have an author on it. Oh well. This book is AWESOME!"

Delores blinked. "It's a book from the 1800's…and…you've _read_ it?"

"Yeah! This, my friend," I said, tapping the book, "is the real _Braveheart_. And it's not even R-rated."

"Riiiiight…you have fun with that."

"By the way," said Holmes suddenly. We turned and looked at him. "I was wondering…where did you two get those clothes? I have certainly never seen their like before."

"Oh…these?" I glanced down at my hooded tee. "The MMTHESDF gave them to us."

Delores blinked. Sherlock Holmes blinked. "MMTHESDF?" they chorused.

"The hat," I amended. "You know, we ought to name the hat. How does Reginald sound?"

Holmes dropped his book and ran a hand through his hair. "Great Scott. You are mad."

"Me? Mad? Why would I be mad? Have you done anything to make me mad?"

"You know what I mean," he growled, glaring at me. "You belong in a lunatic asylum."

"Aw, now that's just harsh."

"You do, though! You are stark raving insane!"

"I am _not_."

"Yes, you are."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are NOT."

"You are too, and I'm not going to get caught into another one of those ridiculous and juvenile am not-are too arguments. I did not even engage in those when I was a child."I stuck my tongue out of the corner of my mouth and demanded, "Does that mean you're resigning? That means I win, which means I'm right."

"You are not," Holmes snapped.

"Oh yes I am. I've been living with myself for the past 14 years. I know these things."

"What 'things'? Like the fact that you're _conveniently_ always right?"

"Cha! I would have thought that much was obvious. I mean, come on. I've been right about everything so far, haven't I? Even the evil rampaging moose!"

Holmes scowled. "Much as I hate to admit you, you're right. But that still doesn't change the fact that _neither_ of us knows why the moose is here, or how it got here. Moose aren't even indigenous to London."

I coughed. "Incorrectomundo, my tall and slender friend. Uncle. Whatever. Anyway, I think the moose is here because it followed us through the time-space rift and into your universe."

Holmes regarded me coolly. "But you said it appeared in the hall _inside your house_," he pointed out. "How, praytell, did a moose get inside of your house?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention that? He's our pet. His name is Charles. Really an old softie, you've just got to get to – " I broke off as he shot me a withering glare. "Okay, _fine_. Maybe the rift _moved_. Ever think of that possibility, Sherlocky?"

He twitched. "Don't call me that."

"Why not? I like calling you that."

"That's what all of my nannies used to call me when I was little."

"Oh. Well, now your niece is calling you Sherlocky. Get used to it. At least I'm not calling you something really sicky-sweet, like Sherlockykins."

He shuddered.

"See? It could be worse. So tolerate it."

He opened one eye and stared at me with it. "How do you get away with this? Not even _Watson_ would be allowed to do half the stuff you've done to me in less than 24 hours."

I shrugged. "That's because Watson is a sensible, respectable adult male, and your best friend. You barely know me. The fact that I'm female and you're a gentleman is also helpful. Oh, and I'm a teenager who's been called insane. That helps too."

Holmes sank down into a chair and buried his face in his hands. "I'm going to…go write a telegram. Goodbye." Standing up, he departed into his bedroom, closing the door behind him perhaps a little more firmly than was strictly necessary.

"Who do you think he's going to write?" Delores asked. I grinned.

"Watson, who else? And the charming chap will dash right home from his seminar to see if he can be of any assistance, and then we can torment him too." I rubbed my hands together and snickered. "This is going to be _so much fun_!"

* * *

**Kira:** (Runs eyes over chapter) Hmm. Utter literary brilliance, if I do say so myself. And I do. I'd also like to point out that I wrote most of it. (Ducks behind convenient pillar to hide from Delores)

**Delores:** I'm not sure it's quite right to be tormenting the public with this insane story. Isn't the world crazy enough as it is?

**Kira: **(Regards her quietly before speaking) Delores. It's FANFICTION. Most of the people who read and write the stuff are quite insane. And female. Thus, they don't mind. In all likelihood.

**Delores: **If you say so, but at any rate, we don't need to keep tormenting the public with these author's notes. Now let's get on with the story!

**Kira: **(Sigh) FINE. (Pulls out notebook and flips through it) Ah. According to the schedule...YOU'RE supposed to write the next chapter. Oh, and we're going to have a special guest star joining us in these author's notes, by the way.

**Delores: **A guest star? Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

**Kira: **Oh, don't feel bad! He's doing this quite willingly. I bribed him with...umm...free gummy worms. He'll show up in the next chapter. And now, dear readers, we will leave you. (Pause) Oh, what the heck. We'll let him do the plea for reviews. (Yanks someone out of the shadows and shoves him onto the stage)

**Stanley Hopkins: **Er...ah...(Looks around nervously) Hello, I'm Stanley Hopkins. Kira likes me and threatened me with those creepy multicolored worms if I didn't do this so...ah...please review.

**Kira:**(Stomps on his foot) NO! You weren't supposed to SAY that!

**Delores: **Can we just get on with the story?

**Kira:** Yes! Of course! Well, good evening and good night and so on and so forth! See y'all later! Bye! (Zooms off)


End file.
